Linsanity

Number 17.

Asian.

NBA.

I’m sure you know who I’m talking about!

There has been a lot of talk about Jeremy Lin. Not only among the basketball fans, but also Asian moms are starting to watch NBA because of him. Who is this guy and what is his power over these Tiger moms that even they start watching basketball?!

So besides the fact that Jeremy Lin is an Asian who is playing in NBA, which is already impressive enough, why else is he so captivating? Of course he’s got skills, but there must be something about him that mesmerizes these Tiger moms.

Personally, I think the main reason is his academic success. I mean…he goes to HARVARD! The dream school that all Tiger moms wish their children can attend. The school that guarantees success. The school that ensures a high paying job. The school that says “you are set for the rest of your life.” The prestigious school that all Asian moms ever wanted is for their children to be able to graduate with a degree from the Harvard School. Jeremy Lin’s academic success definitely makes him more likable among the Tiger moms.  So why else?

Mentioned several times in my previous blogs, filial piety is VERY important in the Asian culture. The younger generation is to respect elders and give back to the family. Most importantly, it is to honor the family name and make the family proud. Jeremy exemplifies filial piety in many areas as he is always thankful for his parents understanding in letting him pursue his passion. In many of his speeches, he thanks his parents for the opportunity and their upbringing. He pays respect to his parents and honors the family as a NBA star who initiated the Linsanity around the world. The Lin family is honored. What else can make his family more prideful to have Jeremy Lin, the idol of many, as their son.

Last but not least, Jeremy Lin has a high paying job, and a high paying job indicates the success of the upbringing of his parents. Tiger moms’ emphasis on academic success is so their children can go to a good college. A degree from a good college, in their minds, can lead to a high paying job. And a high paying job is equivalent to a bright future. It is expected for the children to take care of their parents when parents grow old. So ultimately, the children is like an investment that pays back in return. The higher the stock the higher the return.

So all in all, Jeremy Lin fulfils the three basic requirements: high degree in academics, gives pride to the family, high paying job.

However, what Tiger moms need to see is WHAT lead to his success? Yes, he is smart and talented. But if he were raised in a family with strict Chinese child-rearing styles, would he be the same? Would he be in the same position as he is now? If his parents did not let him pursue his hobby and his love for basketball, would he be able to be the all time NBA star he is now? I’m sure his parents also pushed him academically when he was younger for him to be able to attend Harvard and he must be exceptionally intelligent. I believe his success is not merely from his parents’ upbringing. But I do believe it has some impact and it has steered him into the direction where he is now and shaped him in some way or the other for him to be where he is today.

So besides seeing him as the ideal Chinese child who all Tiger moms wish their children to be, maybe a little lenience like his parents can be beneficial too?  

Trifecta

It's Flashback Day

(3 posts revisited and revised, profile post on new blogger)

Hello, World

Is your mom a tiger mom too?

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom is a book by Amy Chua published in 2011 that became a hotly debated topic among individuals. The book coined and popularized the word “tiger mom” and now, it is the equivalent word used to define a Chinese mom.

So what exactly are Asian moms like? 

Or what characteristics define tiger moms? 

Tiger moms are moms who practice strict child rearing, which most commonly refers to Asian moms who practice traditional parenting. In my definition, traditional parenting is when parents set extreme boundaries for their children and restrict them from many activities such as sleepovers or other social activities that they believe may hinder academics. It also means setting high objectives for their children such as getting into Harvard for college.

Now, I certainly can relate to the word “tiger mom”. The descriptions of a tiger mom fit my mom’s behaviors PERFECTLY.

It is then, when I realized, I am not alone. 

My mom is indeed a typical Asian parent who expects the best out of me. Like Amy Chua’s children, I was put in a Western education system, which is the trigger of the arising conflicts between a tiger mom and a “hybrid” cub.

I was born and raised in Taipei, Taiwan. However, I attended an international school called Taipei American School since 5th grade. The school is an American based institution that emphasizes on Western values and strives to educate students to become creative thinkers, healthy individuals, and versatile learners. 

Now, the problem begins. 

The conflict now arises since back at home, I have a mom who preaches on traditional Chinese values and exemplifies all the qualities of a tiger mom. While in school I am encouraged to explore my talents and build on my individuality, my mother already has everything planned out for me in terms of what will be best for my future. And as far as "best" is concerned, my future has to do something along the lines of being rich. Like all other tiger moms, my mom expects me to work hard and do well in school, which means getting straight A’s. On the other hand, while I have a mom at home nagging about studying all day, everyday, the Western school system preaches on the importance of extracurricular activities and the development of your hobby. 

What should I do? 

Should I go home after school to study so I can achieve the highest GPA possible?

Or should I stay in school to join a club and enrich myself through activities?

"Why put me in an American based institution if you would still want to exercise traditional parenting?" is often the question I have for my mom. However, of course, I never had the chance to speak up to her since that would be considered disrespectful and rude. 

My mom believes that the Western education is better than the Chinese education, and by sending me to school in the United States, it will ensure a better future for her daughter. How ironic! The reason to put me in a Western institution is based on a tiger mom’s hope to pave the path to success for her children.

So why does she think that the Western education is better?

That's what is MORE ironic. 

My mom believes that the Western education system is superior because it encourages creativity and open mindedness. Western education focuses on making individuals and students are allowed to express their concerns and ideas openly with their teachers. However, in the Eastern education system, teachers are the knowledge providers and of higher authority; thus, teachers should not be questioned or challenged. 

By putting me through the western education system, she intends to let me explore my talents and develop myself as an individual; however, she was against the idea of me majoring in fine arts. Like any other tiger moms, she believes that being a business major guarantees a more stable future than that of fine arts major. Once again, on one hand, my tiger mom wants me to learn from the Western education system and develop my interest and learn to have a voice and personality. On the other hand, she’s infringing on my development by making life decisions for me. 

Now I am confused.

Exploring on what tiger moms are like and looking at tiger moms through personal experiences, I would like to share my experience as the kid who has been through it all. Not only am I relating with those like me, but also, it is to speak up to the tiger moms out there since I’m sure the cubs never had the chance to! 

So listen up, it is time to hear a cub ROAR.

Profile

Interesting facts, observations, and stereotypes about the World’s largest population (1,345,421,909). 

Did that grab your attention?

Because it sure grabbed mine.

AllAbouttheChinese is a blog dedicated to explaining every aspects of being Chinese. Being Chinese, I didn't need to learn about how to be Chinese, but I still clicked into the site to find captivating posts with blunt yet witty titles such as "Why We are Captivated by Jeremy Lin" and "Why Chinese People Love Halloween". I am Chinese, but even I am not sure why I am so captivated by the awesome Taiwanese NBA basketball player who goes to Harvard. If I didn't know the reasons, I would like to see what AllAbouttheChinese have to say about my obsession over Jeremy Lin. This blogger is speaking on behalf of all Chinese people (which includes me) and explaining specific aspects of "how to be Chinese". Now, of course, I had to check out what AllAbouttheChinese is saying if he were representing me. From his posts, it seems like it's providing information for people who are not Chinese and through relevant current events, the blogger explains the Chinese phenomenon and culture through short and concise posts. 

So who is he to be representing the World's largest population?

While the author never gave up his true identity and background from his general posts, he revealed from his post, “The Chinese Person’s Guide to Dim Sum Etiquette: Tapping to Say Thanks!” that he was born in Hong Kong and raised in New York City. Furthermore, he explained the objective of his blog, which is to help all the people out there interested in learning about Chinese culture to further understand the oftentimes misunderstood culture through his monthly posts. And according to Alexa, he is delivering his messages just fine as he posts his blog on the 11(million)th biggest website around the world.

Although the central theme of his blog is “all about the Chinese,” the topics range from Chinatown, New York city, Chinese history, ping-pong, to Chinese parenting. All of his posts are focused on his personal feelings and observations of the Chinese culture, which is what I am doing as well. Both of us are detailing our feelings and thoughts based on our personal experiences which makes his blog very interesting for me to read as I find similarities and differences in our thoughts. While the site contains a lot of great information about Chinese culture in general, I couldn't miss the post on Chinese parenting as that is the focus of my blog as I dig into his blogs for further insight. Who knows? Maybe he had a tiger mom too? 

The first post on parenting that I found interesting is titled, “The One Mistake Many Chinese Parents Make". In it, AllAbouttheChinese blatantly points out that the absolute worst thing parents can do to their children is “lowering their self esteem.”

The three ways that parents can do that are:

1. Downplaying achievements
2. Comparing to others
3. Belittling their dreams

I have never thought about it this way, but this is so true!

This is like the ultimate mechanisms Chinese parents utilize!

If I ever came home with anything less than perfect, say a 98, my mom would yell at me for not getting a perfect grade. The conversation he described in his post is EXACTLY what went on in my household.

He nailed it.

Ultimately, as AllabouttheChinese points out,

"lowering children’s self esteem is not like hitting them with a hanger or feather duster, it’s worse.”

The article really reads to me because not only can I relate to it personally as a kid of a tiger mom, but also his opinions on Chinese parenting. Some people believe that the hindering of Chinese children's growth is through the physically beating from Asian parents, here, he argues that it’s these social implications of getting belittled that hurt the kid most, which I agree with completely.

Another article that grabbed my attention is “How to End the Misunderstanding between the East and the West.” I was drawn to this topic because as an Asian who studied in an American international school, I witnessed the misunderstandings and gaps between the two cultures. An example that AllAbouttheChinese points out is that the Easterners regard Westerners to be too “individualistic and are seen as cold blooded.”

On the other hand, Easterners “are more family and relationship oriented as they believe in filial-piety.” Eastern children are expected to stay home to take care of their parents as once the parents took care of them. These differences essentially, as AllAbouttheChinese claims, are what “fuels the cultural clashes between traditional Chinese and Americans.”

He then argues that in order to end this misunderstanding, both party must understand that there are different methods to reach a goal, but ultimately that is the same: for the betterment of life. I can relate this back to Tiger mom and Chinese parenting because although Tiger mom demonstrates tough love, at the end of the day, it is still love. They just show it differently and it is important for both sides to understand that both ideologies are simply trying to raise a better generation.

Even though we focus on different aspects of the Chinese culture, my blog focusing on Chinese parenting and his blog talking about the culture in general, he addresses some issues and differences that are overlooked by me. As I focus more on Chinese parenting and aspects of tiger moms, more insights are delivered on child development instead of the overall Chinese culture. However, his witty and engaging short posts are concise and right to the point, just enough information for someone who wants to learn more about the "math wizards". 

Voice Critique

After reading blog posts by ClownInPathos, I was able to connect to the author almost immediately. 

Why?

Because it is evident that Lan has a very, very strong voice. 

The readers immediately understand her frustration with Chinese parenting styles and how she adores the American culture through her distinctive voice. Through her use of simple diction, concise paragraph structures, short simple sentences, ellipsis and lots of emphasis on words and phrases, Lan's voice addresses the issues in Asian parenting and retains her authoritative stance against Asian parenting. Her unique way of expressing her thoughts reveals her sarcastic, pessimistic personality as an opinionated individual.

Lan’s word choice isn’t exactly colossal. In fact, she uses very common, one-syllable words to get her point across. For example, in her blog post "America, You Really Didn't Make Me Hate Myself.... That Was Just a Misnomer", she uses colloquial words throughout her blog like "hate" "cool"and "bad" so that even an elementary student can easily understand what she is trying to convey. Lan understands that her topic can sometimes be often be viewed as tense, and by using simple, common words, she establishes a platform where readers can easily grasp what she is trying to say. There are no hard vocabularies for people like me, an international student, to look up in the dictionary. Her use of concise words give her whole blog a conversational quality and is perfect for other struggling Asian Americans (who may be also suffering from Tiger parenting) to relate and establish that personal connection with her. But don’t be mistaken, the shortness and conciseness of her word choices also allow her to deliver short, powerful messages rather than elongated ones that can be sometimes be lost in translation. For example, she started her post saying,

"But for now, I would like to back up and explain what compelled me to do that video, and why I did it in the way that I did.”  

not only grabs attention but also allows the readers to understand immediately the purpose of her post as well as her authoritative voice. Her straightforwardness reveals her opinionated quality as a blogger who tends to reveal all her emotions.

Another obvious technique Lan uses to develop her strong ranting quality blogs is through her use of ellipsis. Lan effectively forms short paragraphs that convey her message and a lot of her negative emotions are revealed as she uses ellipsis to indicate that she has more to say regarding Chinese parenting. Through the very common use of ellipsis, Lan intentionally cuts off the reader's minds and adds suspense on what Lan has to say next. For example, in "American Ideals Let Me Dream", she said, 

“...But I don't want to assume that you know this information also...”

to make the readers wonder what she is going to say next by building tension in her sentences and leaving in an intentional silence. It also gives the overall blog a more conversational quality as it hints at Lan’s thinking process with the ellipsis. Also, the ellipsis serves as a point for emphasis in other areas. For example, in the same article Lan said, 

“well, it all goes back to college...” 

which grabs the readers attention and focuses on what she has to say next. It also suggests her recalling from her old memories in college with the use of ellipsis. Because of her common usage of the ellipsis to emphasize different phrases, there are lots of short paragraphs that are easy to read. Coupled with simple diction, the overall readability of Lan’s blog is very high as they serve as hooks within the blogs.  Through the use of ellipsis, it also gives her blog a ranting quality with her distinctive voice which is consistent throughout her posts as well.  

Next, going along with the simple theme in the blog, Lan mostly uses simple sentences to present her thoughts on Chinese parenting. If you read closely into her blogs, she rarely uses complex or compound sentences. She likes to stick with short sentences that can easily and powerfully deliver her message. For example, in "American Ideals Let Me Dream", she said 

“The culture always held me back. I could never properly dream.”

she could have easily made that into one compound sentence; however, she decides to use two simple sentences to emphasize how much the Chinese culture is holding her back. The simple sentence emphasizes her statement and adds on to the negativity without any other buffer words for distraction. It is simple and straightforward; she can never dream. Another example can be seen in the post, 

"My history, MY Chinese history was always never really told. It would always be glossed over, barely spoken about. I could never understand the context. I could never understand why Americans hated Mao so much"

She easily conveys the point to the reader what her message is and done so in a concise manner. By having many simple sentences, it forces the readers to pace out and her thoughts are delivered through simple sentences as if she were recording a video. Through her simple short sentences, it conveys a casual voice where she is just sharing her thoughts and her opinions. She is not trying to make an argument but rather share her experience and use her blog as a channel to voice to the World in hopes to find those experiencing the same. Lan's use of simple, short sentences better depict to the readers as to what kind of struggles or frustrations she is facing in life. It is straight into the point and sometimes give her blog a sarcastic feel, but is able to create a sense of familiarity with the readers as if she were speaking directly to her viewers and having a personal conversation so readers can better understand her rants. 

There is more to her secret. 

Lan not only loves to italicize important words or phrases that she wants her readers to pay extra attention to, but she also uses CAPITALIZATION on words. For example, in "America, You Really Didn't Make Me Hate Myself.... That Was Just a Misnomer," readers are able to see many areas where words are either italicized or capitalized. 

"You had to read A LOT between the lines to get that video and what I was really trying to say"

"I have NEVER blamed you for my problems"

"You also made it WAY TOO EASY for me to hate my parents"

By capitalizing these words to emphasize HOW MUCH, it grabs the attention of the readers as well as exaggerates on the severity of being A LOT and TOO EASY. The pessimistic quality is intensified.

Overall, I enjoy Lan’s voice. Her blog attracts people who want to learn more about the personal life of a tiger kid. It is powerful and distinctive. Through her voice, the readers can really understand what kind of character Lan is. She is a brave Asian American woman who chooses to speak up to a topic that has been traditionally ignored and avoided. Voicing her opinion on this controversial subject, Lan's strong personality exemplified through her voice complements the subject effectively with her strong negative emotions revealed. Her blogs are very readable and she simplifies the topic for the readers, often times even including a YouTube video. Lan is able to communicate her point of view regarding Chinese parenting to the readers so passionately, that it is something that I want to be able to do as well. 

The Glass is Half Empty

Is the glass half full or half empty?

As simple as that question is, I believe the answer to that question boils down the fundamental differences between Chinese parenting and Western parenting, more specifically Chinese values and Western values.

If you ask me that question, I would have said the glass is half empty. Am I a pessimist? Maybe. But that’s what I have been taught growing up in Taipei, Taiwan. In Asia, everything is deducted. When a child is born, he or she is a perfect 100. From then on, every mistake that he or she makes, in their parents’ minds, they become less perfect. They purposely make you feel badly about yourself as they see this as child rearing, so you will be motivated to work harder. By constantly telling that you have made a mistake and that you can be better, they think that you will achieve greatness. Whether or not this technique works, it’s not the point of discussion, but rather the negative scolding technique that was employed. Children from a very young age are taught that way, to see things negatively and think in a deductive way. And that, is the epitome of “Tiger Mom” parenting.

If you ask a child that went through an American educational system, he or she will probably say that the glass is half full. It is not hard to imagine why because when they were young, they were taught values of self – development, exploration, and expression. In their parents’ mind, when a child is born, they are a zero with no specific expectations. However, as he or she grow older and accomplishes different things in different fields, he or she receives more points gets closer and closer to that perfect 100. And along the way, the parents will shower he or her with lots of love and encouragements. I like to call this the inductive way of parenting.

Now you may think, “That’s crazy, although it sounds logical but is there any proof?” So I want to say, yes, these are just my personal thoughts and biases, but I do have a strange phenomenon that I’d like to bring up in evidence for my case. Think back to all the teachers or professors you have, and think about how they grade their papers. Most Asian teacher or professors will mark the questions that you answered incorrectly and then at the bottom of the test, put a negative how ever points you missed on that page; and at the end of the test, they will calculate how much you have missed.

Now think about your other teachers and professors. They will mark the question that you answered correctly and at the bottom of the page, count how many points you received. At the end of the test, rather than counting how many you’ve missed, they will calculate how many questions you have answered correctly. That to me, boils down to deductive thinking and inductive thinking that stemmed from their childhood.

Don’t trust? That’s fine, but take a challenge. The next time you get your tests back, let me know if I am correct!

Voice

After reading blog posts by ClownInPathos, I was able to connect to the author almost immediately. Why? Because it is evident that Lin has a very, very strong voice. The readers immediately understand her frustration with Chinese parenting styles and how she adores the American Culture through her distinctive voice. Her voice is consisted of simple diction, extensive use of punctuation to form concise paragraph structures, short simple sentences, metaphors, and lots of emphasis on words and phrases.

Lan’s word choice isn’t exactly colossal. In fact, she uses very common, one-syllable words to get her point across. For example, in her blog post America you made it so easy to hate myself, she stuck with the simple word choice, hate, instead of using other more complicated words to voice her emotions toward her Chinese parents. Through the simple, yet strong word hate, it gets her point across directly to her viewers on her mere detest towards her Chinese parents. Furthermore, to emphasize the hate, throughout her blog post she repeated the phrase “American, you made it so easy to hate myself,” to get the point across rather then choosing a stronger word like abhor, loathe, or despise. Also, through the repetition of the word, viewers are able to perceive her strong negative emotions and her stand against Chinese parenting is made obvious.

Secondly, Lan uses a lot of ellipsis in her blogs. Through her constant use of ellipsis, she effectively forms short paragraphs that conveys her message effectively and forms her voice.  When one look closely at Lan’s blog, one will see a lot of “…” in either the beginning or the end of paragraphs. The reason that Lan uses ellipsis often is because she wants to cut off the reader’s minds and make them really think what she’s about to say next. For example, in American ideals let me dream, she said, “...But I don't want to assume that you know this information also...” to make the readers think what she is going to say next by building tension in her sentences and leaving in an intentional silence. It also gives the overall blog a more conversational quality as it hints at Lan’s thinking process with the ellipsis. Also, the ellipsis serves as a point for emphasis in other areas. For example, in the same article Lan said, “well, it all goes back to college...”, which grabs the readers attention and focus on what she has to say next. It also suggests her recalling from her old memories in college with the use of ellipsis. Because of her common usage of the ellipsis to emphasize different phrases, there are lots of short paragraphs that are easy to read, coupled with simple diction; the overall readability of Lan’s blog is very high.

Next, going along with the simple theme in the blog, Lan mostly uses simple sentences to present her thoughts on Chinese parenting. If one read closely into her blogs, she rarely uses complex or compound sentences. She likes to stick with short sentences that can easily and powerfully deliver her message. For example, when she said, “ [Chinese culture] held me back. I can never dream,” she could have easily made that into one compound sentence. However, she chose to use two simple sentences to emphasize how much the Chinese culture was holding her back. By having two simple sentences, it forces the readers to pace out and also adds on to the conversational quality of her blogs and she voices her thoughts through simple sentences as if she were recording a video.

Lan also uses a lot of metaphors in order to better depict to the readers as to what kind of struggles or frustrations she is facing in life. Lan uses metaphors to get straight into the point and creates a sense of familiarity with the readers so readers can better understand her depictions. For example, in American ideals let me dream, she said “present China is an illusion just like past Japan was,” to show that the progress that China is making right now resembles of a time when past Japan was gaining world power. By using metaphors, Lan helps the readers better understand her content as readers are able to make comparisons.

Lastly, Lan uses a lot of visual effects to further increase the readability of her blog and highlight her key points. The topic that she discusses, Chinese parenting, can often times be seem as a dense topic. She fully understands that, and knows that if she wants to grab more readers, she has to make her blogs simple and easy to read. For this reason, as the points mentioned above, she tries to keep everything very simple, from word choices to sentence choices. However, there is more to her secret. Lan not only loves to CAPITALIZE important words or phrases that she wants her reader to pay extra attention to, but she also uses different colors on words or phrases. Through this, when readers are skimming through a dense topic, they will instantly find the key points.

Overall, I do enjoy Lan’s voice. It is powerful, and it is a part of her character and personality. She was able to communicate her point of view regarding Chinese parenting to the readers so passionately (it’s quite a dense topic) that it is something that I want to be able to do as well. 

ClownInPathos

Recently I came across an interesting blog that caught my attention. The blog name is ClownInPathos. While the blog is not scholastically or professionally written, the blogger focuses on expressing her thoughts and problems that she encountered in her life as a Chinese-American. Lan Lin is a 24 year old woman raised in United States with Asian parents, and she offers deep insights into the clash of the two cultures and the misery of being brought up in a Chinese household with strict child-rearing styles. Similar to my blogs as I address the issues in Asian households from my perspective as a child who have experienced both cultures, Lan Lin also voices her frustrations and problems of Asian parenting that are so evident in Asian American families, yet often times ignored. She believes that by openly blogging, she is stepping up and making the issue apparent despite how Asians are taught to ignore these problems. Her intended purpose to blog is to have a platform where she can share her lessons as a child who suffered from lack of good parenting to other unhappy Chinese American kids growing up. Lan would like to share her thoughts on the things that should be avoided “to raise a well-adjusted adult.” For this reason, she blogs consistently on an average of 4 times a month through livejournal, which is ranked 118 on alexa. 

Even though Lan Lin started the blog to address the issues of Chinese parenting, many of her posts are merely her frustrations, and thoughts as a child torwards her own parents. She shares her personal experience through her story telling and engages the audience with actual happenings in her life as a child in a Chinese household. Similar to my blogs, I also share my experience and thoughts on Chinese parenting though my personal experience. However, while I am still confused and still figuring out the dilemma of being a Chinese who have encountered American values and explaining the clashes I have witnessed, Lan Lin takes a strong stand in her posts and voices her thoughts extremely as she takes on a side against Chinese parenting and believes that her parents have caused her depression and were unsuccessful in raising her.

For example, one of her posts “ My Mom’s Reaction” talks about the first time she letting her mom know about her depression and how unhappy she was due to her mother’s tough, pessimistic child rearing. This was something that I have never thought about, confronting my mom about the clash in values and culture back at home and at school. The reason why I haven’t is because I was afraid of getting the same answers that Lan Lin’s mom gave her. “You’re scary, don’t think of these things.” I was scared that my mom would look at me differently, and think that I am not grateful for the things she has provided for me and will look at this discussion on the clash of values as more of an argument initiator (which I will want to avoid).  Also, my mom might think that I am being rebellious because in Asia, we are taught to keep our mouth shut and power through. But like Lan says, “[my mom] never actually saw me unhappy,” because when I was around her I was too busy being a role model she wanted me to be. At the end of Lan’s talk, her mom didn’t believe what she was saying, claiming, “Lan seemed fine growing up, I never saw [Lan] unhappy, I remember times when [Lan] were doing pretty good, [Lan] did so well in school.” Once again, we see the emphasis on academic excellence and how doing well in school was equivalent to the overall well-being of a child. However, for Lan, she got what was on her mind off her chests, which was the difficulty of growing up. She didn’t talk to her mom for her mom, but for herself, and that is an action that I wish I have the courage to do one day: to be upfront with my mother.

Similar to my work, she also lists the different values evident in the two cultures as seen in the post “American Ideals vs. AsianTrauma”. While one of my previous blog posts (whoever remembers gets a prize!) focused primarily on the optimism of Americans and pessimisms of Asians, Lan went beyond those values and explored other concepts including “saving faces, ma fan, and nans”. Ma fan, which means troublesome, and nans, which means difficulties, are all concepts that I think many Asians can relate to. “Don’t bother other people too much if you can, and overcome difficulties in your life” was often what Asian kids like me were brought up to believe. However, I want to talk about saving face, a phrase and concept that is very unfamiliar to Westerners. In Asia, parents take great pride in the family, and that pride is called face in Asia. If the kids, or someone in the family, fail in being successful or in accomplishing something, the family loses its pride, and thus, face. For this reason, every Asian parent wants to have lots of face so they continue to push their kids to earn face in the household. This is also the primary reason that Lan says why Asians are so negative because “they are afraid to lose face, so they don’t try anything that’s ma fan and nans.” Also, this explains why Asian parents are so strict with their children and expects them to succeed in school.

While Lan’s insight into Chinese parenting was detailed, she was also very biased in terms of her viewpoints. In her own words, “everything positive about me, I associate with the American culture. Everything negative about me, I associate with the Chinese culture.” Because of this bias thought, sometimes her examples can be extreme, so definitely be wary of that. That’s also why on my blogs you will never see me expressing any favoritism towards different parenting styles, because I want to be fair to both sides and I don’t think Chinese parenting has caused me to be miserable in life. On the contrary, even though I complain on some aspects of Chinese parenting, I think Chinese parenting has done me good (I am a happy Trojan). However, blogs like Lan’s will help me understand each side a little better and help me gain a better understanding of Chinese parenting and be able to compare my experience to hers.

My Bookmarking Soulmate

Through the social media-networking site Del.icio.us, I was able to find my “bookmarking soul mate”: Flogus. Similar to my blog topics on Chinese parenting, specifically on the relationship between Tiger Moms and their children, Flogus bookmark topics on Chinese parenting and Amy Chua extensively. Flogus has roughly bookmarked 30 links overall and bookmarks on an average of 5 times every month. Furthermore, the articles are not specifically categorized under tags since the articles regarding Tiger Mothers or Chinese parenting are all categorized either under the tag name “parenting” or “Chua”. Even though Flogus does not thoroughly bookmark and add relevant tags or comments, all the tagged articles are very useful articles that cover a broad range of information on the topic of Chinese parenting. Some articles are based on reactions to the book or Amy Chua’s parenting style; others are on whether or not Chinese parenting style is superior to American style. Lastly, the discussion of child rearing is also covered in his bookmarked pages.

Through Flogus link, the two sites that I found very interesting are “Why this Chinese Mother Chose to Evolve” and “Why AmericanMothers are Superior.” Both articles provide different insights on child-rearing and different perspectives on parenting styles that further discusse the topics touched upon by Amy Chua in the book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.

One of Flogus’ bookmarks caught my eye immediately, it was “Why this Chinese Mother Chose to Evolve” by Patty Chang. Before reading the article, I was excited because I thought this article must be about the shift in Chinese parenting towards a more liberal one. As a hybrid child, who went to an international school but raised in Taiwan, I thought this article must pertained to me. However, after reading the article, I was dumbfounded because Patty went beyond explaining simple parenting styles and into the specific values in parenting, more importantly, how those values are subjective.

In the article, Patty talked about her experience growing up under strict Chinese parenting, and how she feared of failing. Her parents were always pushing her to be # 1 so she can be successful. Now 30, Patty went through an Ivy League school and works at a high profiled media company making lots of money. In everyway, she has accomplished what her parents wanted. Nobody can argue her success, or can they?

She pointed out despite all the success, she would wake up in the middle of the night with fingernail imprints on her clenched palms and her inability to get pregnant. She felt like a failure. Then, she adopted a child, G, that changed her outlooks.

Despite Patty trying to work G, G just wasn’t good at academics, and her turrets syndrome didn't help. She hates reading, but loves sports. She can’t do math, but excels in creative writing. More importantly, she is happy and full of energy. For Patty, she sees more success in G than she sees in herself. If the tough love of Chinese parenting is based off deep love, then the parents shouldn’t compare their children, but rather, foster a unique relationship that allow them to do what they want to do. Success is very subjective, and for the reason, Patty decides to evolve her definition of success for G, out of deep, true, love.

This article is so interesting to me because it didn’t only state that parenting needs to evolve, but why. At the end of the day, all the parents want the best for their child, but what is best? This article takes the readers into a different path and evaluates parenting styles through the definition of success.

Another article that grabbed my attention was “Why AmericanMothers are Superior” by Annmaria De Mars. The title itself made it apparent for me that it must be a response to Amy Chua’s article. I was excited to see what Annmaria has to say, especially because she boldly states that American mothers are superior and it’s a direct opposition to Chua’s article “WhyChinese Mothers are Superior.” In this article, Annmaria practically said that she is the same person as Amy Chua with very different parenting styles. Amy Chua is a professor at Yale, and Annmaria is a P.H.D. who won several awards. Annmaria attacked the fact that Amy Chua doesn’t have the credentials to boast because all her kids haven’t even made it out of school (one in college and one in high school). Annmaria, however, has three children that have all graduated and are doing really well in life. One is an award-winning journalist, one is a teacher teaching inner-city children, and the last one is an Olympian medalists. Annmaria took a very interesting approach and challenged Chua by comparing her children to Chua’s and made the opposing argument, which shows the American side of the story. Her perspective as an American parent deepens our understanding on the two different cultures of parenting.

These two articles are what I found most interesting; go check out the other articles Flogus has bookmarked to learn more about Tiger Moms and share which ones stood out for you! 

A Hybrid Tiger?

Yale? Still not good enough for Tiger Moms evidently. We all know education is highly valued by Chinese moms, aka, Tiger Moms. This is not something new. Tiger Mom’s emphasis on education and academic success is why we have the stereotypes of Asians being good at math or Asians being smart. But are Asians genetically just smarter or like to study? I don’t think so! (I definitely do not like to study) Even though education is highly emphasized in Asian households, it is important to note that it is not the learning process that is important to Tiger Moms, but the results that matter. It is purely the belief that academic success will lead to future life success such as getting a good job. And of course, the definition of a good job is simply a high paying one. We all know success does not mean a high degree in school, look at Bill Gates and Steve Jobs! Nevertheless, one of the most prominent features of Tiger Moms is their requirement of a GPA of 4.0. So ultimately, what matters is not the learning, but the grades. For this reason, a lot of Chinese children are taught to memorize equations, formulas, rather than truly understand how to get those results.

Similarly, my Tiger Mom is the same. She did not care what I was learning in school or whether or not I learned anything, as long as the final results at the end of the semester was an A on the report card. As I mentioned in earlier blogs, the demand for success is due to the traditional expectation that children will support their parents when they grow old. This is an important Confucius value “xiao” that is greatly emphasized and also is in relationship of filial piety.

On the other hand, do Western parents really not care about education? It is said that both Asian parents and Western parents want the best for their children, but the definition of best differs. For Asian parents, it is for their children to have a successful career and make as much money as possible in order to give back to the family. On the other hand, Western parents are said to emphasize more on happiness and children are allowed to explore their own passions. Research has shown that this differentiation is often times due to cultural differences. However, as the world becomes more international and global, we have immigrants in America such as Amy Chua who are still practicing the strict Chinese child- rearing way. Is this passing on of culture going to continue and will Tiger Moms still exist?

Children of second generation in United States, or in my example, being able to attend an international school, picking up ideas from the Western environment that stresses the importance of exploring your passion, doing what you love, may slowly assimilate ourselves into the Western culture. With the publish of the book, there are many responses from both the Western and Eastern side on whether or not Chinese parenting is superior. Interestingly, there is no consensus, as some Westerners believe it is superior while some Asians go firmly against it. There is no clear distinction between the two ethnicities and their thoughts on Chinese parenting, so is culture really what differentiates the two parenting styles? After the publication of the book, more conversations have taken place regarding some practices in Chinese parenting that are seen as "immoral". Will there be the perfect way of parenting or will there be a middle ground as both sides of the parents reflect on their styles? Will second generation kids who have Tiger Moms become one themselves after complaining on the strict rearing methods they’ve been through themselves? Maybe a hybrid parenting style?

What do you think?

Roaring Tigers

This video went viral and had over 5 million views in just one week. It was concise, funny, and to the point. Yet in some weird, twisted way, while obviously exaggerated, this video revealed some truth regarding Asian moms and stereotypes. The video itself was very simple. It had one Asian male dressed up as an Asian mother and lashing out ridiculous sayings and things to their kids.

Although this video is a little bit exaggerated, I believe that it is still reflective of Asian moms, aka tiger moms. Sure, my mom did not yell “B is for bitch” when I came home with a B on my report card; nevertheless, she would be disappointed in me and as punishment, she would take away my privileges like watching TV, surfing the net, or going out until I pull my grades up.

Ever since first grade, I had to attend multiple after school tutor sessions. My mom was always afraid that I would be behind in school. You may wonder, what is so difficult in first grade that a tutor is necessary? Tutoring sessions did not only cover materials taught in class, it was also about “previewing” materials, planning for the future, covering materials in second grade. In my mom’s mind, being prepared ahead of time is always for the best.

On top of homework from school, cram schools also assigned homework and tests. I remember attending a math institution with my neighbor. One day at home, I heard my mom yell my name. I immediately recognized the anger in her roar. She was mad. I am in deep trouble I thought to myself. What did I do wrong this time? I reflected on the day and could not think of what I did wrong as I quickly hustled in my room to see my mom holding a test paper she found in my backpack.

“What kind of grade is this?!” She yelled as she pointed on the 82% on the paper.

I remained silent, as I don’t recall getting this grade. Then, I remembered I picked up my neighbor’s test for her since she was sick and wasn’t able to attend class.

“Mom, it’s not my test.” I answered, as I felt relieved.

Instantly, similar to the video when the Asian mom picked up the phone and had a change of tone immediately, my tiger mom smiled and said nothing more.

Another point that the video brought up that I have personally experienced is that Asian moms are constantly comparing their children. My mom always compared me with other children who did better in school. She would praise them and scorn me for not being good enough. However, this is not a fair game. Since if I ever complained about anything in the household, my mom would tell me to “go join other family.” That was her ultimate line to anything I said, whether or not I made sense or not, tiger moms are always right. Even if I reasoned with her, instead of admitting fault, she would simply ask me to be someone else’s children. By then, there was no come back that I could think of to retaliate.  

She wins again.

Most people will watch the video, laugh at how ridiculous the heavy accent is and the statements she makes. To them, those are the key points. But for me, it is nice to know that I am not alone after all!